The Thing About Black Women and Interracial Dating....

My God...do we really have to go through this again?

Apparently so.  Now...Jill Scott's article isn't what bugs me; let me make that clear.  She's being honest, and in her honesty she is not bashing interracial relationships.  She's not arguing against them.  She's just being honest about her initial instinctive reaction.  In fact, she makes sure to state, "...when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit...wince. I didn't immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress...Our minds do understand that people of all races find genuine love in many places. We dig that the world is full of amazing options. But underneath, there is a bite, no matter the ointment, that has yet to stop burning. Some may find these thoughts to be hurtful. That is not my intent. I'm just sayin'."

So again...what bugs me are the comments.  Take this village idiot right here:

As a caucasian woman and life partner of a "black" (Ethiopian born, naturalized American citizen) man, I experience (and receive) the venom, the looks, the verbal judgments of those who align themselves with Ms. Scott's way of thinking. It is painful, ridiculous and at times unbearable. Racism swings both ways via those who choose to remain closed in their minds and hearts and by those who choose to remain ignorant. We are not only the proud parents of a beautiful baby girl but my partner is also a good father to my own 2 (caucasian) daughters from my first (youthful and stupid) marriage. Our children experience hatred and racism on a daily basis... usually by way of passive aggressive words and actions from African American women. So... feel proud and happy, those of you who continue to perpetuate this reverse racism. In my own practical experience you succeed in making our lives a bit more painful and difficult than it already is in this modern (hellish) day and age. Thank you also for making us stronger, more resilient and certainly more close and tightknit as a family unit. I will continue to hold my head high, love my man and my children while thanking God every single day of my life for each of them.

"Tina", is it?  Hi, Tina; I'm Ankhesen Mié, American's foremost Ankhesenologist.  Please...call me "K".  Now Tina, I'm so sorry you've experienced venom, etc. but...Jill Scott?  Not so venomous.  Now, I know we evil black bitches all look alike and are hard to tell apart, but do be a dear and at least try.

You know, Tina, *shakes head*, there are actual, valid reasons why women like you--in particular--lack credibility and are not so quickly embraced by women of color.  Ms. Scott wrote an eloquent, touching, detailed article but I just think you skimmed it and never stopped to think about what the woman is actually saying.  For example, have women like you ever really paused to wonder why black men pursue you so diligently?  Have you ever stopped to ask why they flee people who 1) look like them, and 2) tend to be more educated and better employed?  Have you paused to wonder why they pursue you so intently, when your two groups haven't had the best rapport...you know, traditionally speaking?  Did you ever stop to interrogate your hubby--while you were still in the dating phase, of course--about why that was?

Or did you just latch onto the notion of universal desirability and run with it?

I have to wonder what went through your mind when you, ahem, "read" this part (I'm guessing your brain only registered the portions in bold):

When our people were enslaved, "Massa" placed his Caucasian woman on a pedestal. She was spoiled, revered and angelic, while the Black slave woman was overworked, beaten, raped and farmed out like cattle to be mated. She was nothing and neither was our Black man. As slavery died for the greater good of America, and the movement for equality sputtered to life, the White woman was on the cover of every American magazine. She was the dazzling jewel on every movie screen, the glory of every commercial and television show. She was unequivocally the standard of beauty for this country, firmly unattainable to anyone not of her race. We daughters of the dust were seen as ugly, nappy mammies, good for day work and unwanted children, while our men were thought to be thieving, sex-hungry animals with limited brain capacity.

We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked at a White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death. In the midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern back roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their children. That feeling is betrayed. While we exert efforts to raise our sons and daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else, an empty bed. It's frustrating and it hurts!

Now, Tina...when you didn't read the parts not in bold and didn't stop ask the tough questions, that was your white privilege showing, believe it or not.

I'll be honest.  I have no "special affinity" for black men...growing up, I must not have gotten the memo.  I haven't dated a black male since I was 18, and that was so long ago that....  Anyhoo, I currently live in Appalachia and for the past decade-ish I've simply "gone with the flow".  I was raised in an African family, and even spent a good chunk of my childhood in Cameroon so, needless to say...slightly different mindset.  And yet, I can understand why black women like Ms. Scott feel "the wince."

Self-hate is a dangerous phenomenon, and Tina, you ought to know.  What people like you seem to having trouble grasping is that self-hate can manifest in multiple forms.  Eating disorders, cutting, and suicidal mentality are some classics, along with skin-bleaching, plastic surgery...and the tendency to automatically flee all things which look like you (cue nods from Asian American men). When you didn't factor in that last part, Tina, your white privilege was showing.

See, Tina...money, education, good looks, and "speaking well" don't automatically mean a person is free of "issues". Now, I know how hard it is to say no to a charming, good-looking man who showers you with attention, doesn't require you to be skinny, and tells you everything you've ever wanted to hear. However, that's all the more reason why you have to ask the difficult questions and risk hearing a thing or two you'd rather not.

For example, if all you Tinas-to-be are on a date with a "wonderful black man", ask him about the whole black-white drama-rama.  Yes, I realize it ain't the most romantic dinner conversation, but if you're doin' the interracial, you gotta have "the talk."  So if he says you're just his "preference", run. If he says something which implies white female superiority, run. If he says a bunch of negative shit about all black women (you know, all twenty-some million of us which he somehow managed to date), run.  Because you have not stumbled across the jackpot; you've in fact hit what many relationship counselors refer to as a "red flag."

Never trust a person who deflects questions about their inner workings onto the inner (and outer) workings of others.

Take your cue from Asian women and gay Asian men who regard white suitors warily (you're by no means in the same boat per se, but...you know, similar make and model).  Lastly, reread Ms. Scott's article. Enlightened are the white women who can read this passage and pay close attention to its truth. The rest are draptos.

When our people were enslaved, "Massa" placed his Caucasian woman on a pedestal. She was spoiled, revered and angelic, while the Black slave woman was overworked, beaten, raped and farmed out like cattle to be mated. She was nothing and neither was our Black man. As slavery died for the greater good of America, and the movement for equality sputtered to life, the White woman was on the cover of every American magazine. She was the dazzling jewel on every movie screen, the glory of every commercial and television show. She was unequivocally the standard of beauty for this country, firmly unattainable to anyone not of her race. We daughters of the dust were seen as ugly, nappy mammies, good for day work and unwanted children, while our men were thought to be thieving, sex-hungry animals with limited brain capacity.

We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked at a White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death. In the midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern back roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their children. That feeling is betrayed. While we exert efforts to raise our sons and daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else, an empty bed. It's frustrating and it hurts!