8.07.2011

"If I Must Suffer, So Must Everyone Else"

Um...they look platonic,
if you catch my drift.
This was the subject line of an email Neo-Prodigy just sent me, along with the link to the article "An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage" where once again the bloated statistics push for Black women to start marrying more white men.  There's only a brief mention of non-white, non-black men in this article (so brief I missed it the first time).

I feel I need to clear the air on my thoughts on BW/WM, not just in film, but in regular life.

I am not against BW/WM.  If a white guy is Tom Felton decent, kind, generous, and just overall good to be around, and he pursues you, go for it. By all means, be vigilant, but go for it.  However, he makes one (racially) suspect move, dump him as quickly as possible.  The same actually goes for any men.  Hopefully, after being dumped a few times, they'll start to learn something.

I am, however, highly skeptical of America's sudden BW/WM push, both in media and in real life, because I think it comes about for a reason as unsurprising and as old as dirt: control.  I feel much of this traces its roots back to control.  When I read articles like these, and listen to white defenses of them, it's a lot like listening to the Human Race Derail, to which I react much like Brotha Wolf did.  In other words, I find it odd that a group of men who have abused Black women literally for centuries all of a sudden - and it's sure as hell sudden - want to marry us, settle down with us, and raise kids together in a house with a white picket fence.  And before they start chanting "so long ago", let's just go ahead and kill that excuse right the hell now.  The white male disrespect and devaluation of Black women in the West is not old news; it's a current event.  Furthermore, those of us who live today owe those who went before us, suffering voicelessly for centuries, a duty to never just "leave the past in the past."

So just let the excuses go right now before we even continue.

But back to the main issue: I believe this is about control.  Like Paul Mooney said about reading "the white book", Black success was not a chapter.  Blacks weren't supposed to succeed in the West.  Black women certainly weren't supposed to thrive the way we've begun to, and whenever Black people do something whites have not intended us to do, the white reaction is never good or, at least, not what it appears to be.

Over on the Narrative, we refer to the BW/WM push as "the preemptive strike", because unlike the BW/AM movement it preaches accepting black female beauty (i.e., enjoying our bodies) without preaching the proper defense, respect, and understanding of Black women.  That's why you can find a Blasian video in which a very young Asian man defends his respect and admiration of Black women, but in a BW/WM video, a white husband and father clumsily gives excuses as to why he doesn't lay into a racist white woman talking smack about his wife.  Or why when Satoshi Kanazawa opens his yap, Asian bloggers promptly come out swinging, but when Halle Berry's ex calls her a nigger, the white male voice is patently silent.

In other words, Asian men seem more willing to confront racism leveled against Black women, while white men are more likely to simply ask us to ignore it.

It's no surprise, of course; white men have never had to defend, respect, or understand us before, so they don't know how to and see no real incentive to start learning now...which is precisely the reason why so few black women marry white men.

So instead of pulling a Tyler Perry and lecturing Black women on what we need to do, more articles need to focus on lecturing white men on what they need to do better where BW/WM is concerned, otherwise that marriage trend is going to ultimately flop like Airbender.  In other words, stop putting the burden on us; if white guys really want us this badly, they're going to have to pursue, defend, respect, and understand us - end of story.

Either way, no skin off our nose.

56 comments:

  1. " In other words, stop putting the burden on us; if white guys really want us this badly, they're going to have to pursue, defend, respect, and understand us - end of story."

    THANK YOU!!!!!

    If you're not willing to stand tall like say a Richard Loving, then you need to rotate, take the bench and sitcho ass down.

    Also:

    http://neo-prodigy.livejournal.com/982299.html

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  2. Great post. When people date interracially, they should definitely be vigilant in making sure they are with someone who see's their value and is willing to stand by them in the face of racism and other adversity. I don't know about the" blasian movement" but woc should look at multiple options when dating interracially, not just white men. Now while im not looking for a significant other(just recently married ), I do remember a few years ago hearing from a friend that many asian men aren't interested in black women, so black women open to dating interracially should look to white(especially non-american) men or latino's of any race etc. Personally I don't know about all that,but I say date who treats you well in public and private and values a good life for you as much as they value that for themselves. I do hope that the media will push more images of healthy well rounded 3 dimensional black women in all kinds of relationships, because I feel the media is a huge influence on society and vice versa.

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  3. @ idiclove

    Just to get a glimpse go to YouTube and type in AMBW.

    And go here, as well as the Blasian Narrative. There really is a huge world out there, and articles like the one up top are trying to shield us from it.

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  4. I knew I wasn't the only one going, "Why all of a sudden?" when I started watching this media-trend 3 years ago.

    Ah, Richard Loving. 'Jade' Hanson's poor-excuse husband needs to call in to the other side, and learn from that man. Even in pictures, Mr. Loving's face said it all - you f*** with my wife, you f*** with ME!

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  5. Tell em! This post is making me remember all of stuff about my white ex who thought he was down but really had a long LONG way to go.
    Now I am connecting the dots like never before. I followed my instincts and broke up with him but there something that wasn't clicking for me until now. I even thought to myself after I broke things off "I will never date another white man again" now I know why. See he wouldn't make excuses for shit white people did but he wasn't standing up for me. I was going through some racist/sexist problems in my last year of college and he just couldn't be supportive of me. I had to be the strong black woman on my own. he talked a good game but when it came time for action he just couldn't follow through.

    I have since decided that if I'm going to be in an IR it won't be with a WM. No way. I just don't have it in me to peel back the layers and find some more rot. I can't.

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  6. @Ankh, thanks for the links. The blasian narrative is quite a looker, im going to have to explore many of those posts. I guess there really is a big world out there with a lot more going on then america would like you to think. all of this is why a blog like yours is so important. By the way, Im thankful to have a place like this to learn and have my thoughts heared. It makes me feel a little less alone when it comes to my view of media and society.

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  7. @ leoprincess

    I knew I wasn't the only one going, "Why all of a sudden?" when I started watching this media-trend 3 years ago.

    Hell...I'm glad I'm not the only who thinks it's a bit sudden!

    @ Pepp

    I have since decided that if I'm going to be in an IR it won't be with a WM. No way. I just don't have it in me to peel back the layers and find some more rot. I can't.

    It's a full-time job. The thing is, they don't want to learn about us, because they'll have to learn about our history and sociology, and thus learn a lot of negative things about themselves. They don't want to do that. And they certainly don't want to be in a situation where they're at war with other white people.

    @ idiclove

    You are very welcome. I'm surprised I haven't seen you over there more often, but something tells me that after you browse through our Blasian Studies links, your entire world will change.

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  8. Yes, they push this ideal that black women should run fast and hard away from black men and directly into the hating arms of white men who haven't been decoded (for a lack of a beter term)

    Personally, I am soooo not interested in the work of helping a white man understand anything to do with race and racism in America. The overwhelming majority of white folks are so utterly mind-f**kd: 1. Im superior, so Im right; 2. You're inferior so you're wrong.

    This is the closed and sealed deathtrap that is the white mind, and it's 99.99% impossible to penetrate this mind set, and that's exactly how they use regular white people as a defence of white supremacy. I would say that general white folks dont even get the real trickle down perks anymore, as the economy has eaten their perks away.

    They are just knee-jerk mindless idiots, oppressing black people at every turn for a system that no longer even supports them for being white.

    I can't even waste energy getting mad at them.

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  9. I would say that general white folks dont even get the real trickle down perks anymore, as the economy has eaten their perks away.

    They are just knee-jerk mindless idiots, oppressing black people at every turn for a system that no longer even supports them for being white.


    That they most certainly are.

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  10. Interesting. I had no idea that Asian bloggers were defending that stupid article about why black women are ugly.
    Normally, when I run across Asian bloggers they are whining about how hard it is being the perfect minority and how unfair it is that the handful of spots in elite universities going to Blacks and Latinos should go to them. Apparently all of our best universities should be 80% Asian by their calculations.
    At any rate, the anonymity of the internet shows me the scary side of WM that I knew was there but don't come face to face with.
    I had been trying to shift my mindset about WM but my exposure over the past year (and mine you, I grew up as the "only" in an almost entirely white environment and still largely live that as an adult), but the large levels of hatred that still exist towards BW makes me cringe.

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  11. I had no idea that Asian bloggers were defending that stupid article about why black women are ugly.

    You just have to know where to go.

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  12. And that's another thing. When it comes to interracial fixes, that shit works both ways.

    How come you don't see that shit being pushed on white women? How many Sex & The City clone shows which show beautiful successful white women trying to find love in the big city or whatnot but can't find love anywhere.

    How come these white girls aren't utilizing an interracial fix to find love instead of dating deadbeats on these tv shows?

    How come these modern women aren't pursuing men of color. And I don't mean a fling but a full-on relationship.

    Only instances where I've seen that is the tv show Popular, Ally McBeal, and Addison Montgomery from Private Practice.

    Thinks that make you go hmmmmmmmmmm?

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  13. @ Neo-Prodigy

    That's a good question, but remember...this is white people you're talking about, and the men run the networks.

    Ergo, the intended message from white men to these women is: even the lowest, brokest white deadbeat is better than a decent MoC.

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  14. @ ankh

    It's like a labor of Heracules. The curiosity they have about blacks is only superficial. How many of you all have seen a white associate ask a rhetorical question about black people? They don't really want you to answer they just want confirmation of what they already decided was the truth. Case in point. A white girl I had classes with posted on her facebook page some shit about the black holocaust museum in milwaukee and when did that happen? blah blah drapto nonsense blah.

    I tried to encourage her to visit the museum and see what it was about for herself instead of jumping to conclusions about the use of the word holocaust. bitch didn't take the hint. Even her white bf jumped in to say that blacks have a right to use the word holocaust. She got defensive. Didn't matter though she called me a racist and got all WWT on me. I called her a drapto and blocked her ass. I may not be able to avoid this crap all the time but I refuse to deal with this shit on facebook as well.

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  15. I called her a drapto and blocked her ass.

    *dead*

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  16. Ankhesen Mié said...
    That's a good question, but remember...this is white people you're talking about, and the men run the networks.

    Penis envy is alive and well in Hollywood and consequently white males run Hollywood. Their pathological fear of miscegenation (white + non-white = non-white) just won’t allow them to pair a black man and a white woman together. Its the last taboo- it’s the undiscovered country. Such a pairing affects most white males on a personal level. In media, the white damsel has been a fixture of white supremacy since D.W. Griffith’s, Birth of a Nation. She’s the very symbol and standard bearer of white purity. Therefore, soil the woman (by mixing her with black flesh) and you soil the race.

    Furthermore, white males hate to be reminded of not measuring up to black male sexuality. Watching a black man make love to a white woman on screen leaves them overcome with inadequacy; so its best to avoid such situations whenever possible. It’s precisely why we see so many white men sexing up women of color onscreen. By suppressing black male sexuality in film the white man seeks to convince himself he’s the superior In all things.

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  17. @M. Gibson, do they sex up women of color? It seems as if attractive black females in TV and movies don't get sexed up that much.
    It is interesting to compare the most common or "acceptable" pairings in real life with what is portrayed on screen though.
    Way more BM/WM in real life than will be allowed to wrinkle the sheets on TV. And funnily enough, even though WM/AW is very common, I can't think of many times that we see that couple featured either.
    It seems as if the writers (mostly WM but some WW) mostly keep love, relationships, and sex to themselves on screen.
    Do we even get to see the "action" when a WM is paired with a BW? (I'm not forgetting Monster's Ball but that was a different kind of relationship and sexual pairing).
    Of course, it's so hard to think of any examples of black characters on TV.
    I did notice on the commercials for Hawthore, Jada Pinkett's show, that she is waffling between two non-black men, and I can't really tell based on the actress that plays her daughter if we are supposed to assume her dead ex was white too. (I'd say no but I also know that WP associate lightness with having a non-black parent; apparently they think we mix like paint, and it also lets them pretend that WM have been screwing black women for hundreds of years and across at least two continents).

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  18. @ Nicthommi

    It's all about knowing where to go and whom to ask.

    Like here...and here.

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  19. Nicthommi said...
    @M. Gibson, do they sex up women of color? It seems as if attractive black females in TV and movies don't get sexed up that much.

    Not to dispute your point; but when mainstream (White) Hollywood wants to show us how far America has progressed in race relations, the WM/BF pairing is always the safest bet. Unless the filmmaker is a non-white, you won’t see that many pairings of BM's with WW in films with an 'R' rating. But when you do, the BM/WF relationship will be constrained under the context of a PG-13 rating. This way you can have a bounty of sexual inferences- tensions… teasing and the like, but the black man doesn’t always sex the girl.

    A few examples of the WM/BF interracial theme:
    Island (1957)
    Tamango (1958)
    Honky (1971)
    Mona Lisa (1986)
    Angel Heart (1987)
    Flirting (1991)
    Zebrahead (1992)
    One False Move (1992)
    The Bodyguard (1992)
    Corina Corina (1994)
    Strange Days (1995)
    Restaurant (1998)
    Besieged (1998)
    Supernova (2000)
    Monster's Ball (2001)
    Neo Ned (2005)
    Guess Who (2005)
    Something New (2006)
    The Family That Preys (2008)
    Lakeview Terrace (2008)
    Black and White (Italian, 2008)
    Star Trek (2009)
    Burning Palms (2010)
    Colombiana (2011)
    Retreat (2011)
    The Words (2013)

    For a more exhaustive listings on BW/WM Interracial Romance you can go here.

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  20. @ Nicthommi

    apparently they think we mix like paint, and it also lets them pretend that WM have been screwing black women for hundreds of years and across at least two continents

    But they have been.

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  21. Oops...that was a typo. I mean to say" it lets them pretend that they have NOT been screwing black women for hundreads of years"...

    @M. Gibson. I was actually thinking of the sexual relationships between BW/WM being more than "implied" on screen. Also, in some of the examples you mentioned, they set up the sexual encounter in the context of stressful or other extenuating circumstance.

    So just my personal opinion, some of the pairings in that movie didn't register because they are unhealthy, kept off screen, or occur one time only because of extenuating circumstances.

    I was personally thinking in terms where the IR pairing was visible and stable. So in my eyes, Guess Who and Something New count.

    So not disputing your point, but I wasn't "counting" your examples the same way that you do.

    It seems like while she gets left out of editorials about young hot stars, Hollywood pretends that Zoe Saldana's ethnicity makes her less black. I really will never understand the level of denial and ignorance that people have about the large number of unambiguously black people in Latin America.

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  22. Nicthommi said...
    apparently they think we mix like paint, and it also lets them pretend that WM have been screwing black women for hundreds of years and across at least two continents

    Ankhesen Mié said...
    But they have been.

    Our History seems to affirm this. While he was holding the white woman up as an untouchable virtue, he was swapping genetic material with black women. Quite often, well-within throwing distance of his white spouse. Yep... Hundreds of Years sounds about right.

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  23. "without preaching the proper defense, respect, and understanding of Black women"

    I saw a prime example of this after the most recent CNN black women and natural hair fail. A white male said he was married to a black woman and had recently started styling her hair for her because of an injury that made it difficult to do her own hair. Starts off good right? Prepare for the fail. White women he worked with flooded him with questions about black women's hair when they learned about the situation. He then said it was such a shame that these poor innocent white women couldn't ask black women about their hair without it being offensive and black women getting angry.

    Yes this white man who is married to a black woman is still taking the side of white women. Cause it is clearly black women's fault that white people have deliberately lived in racially segregated neighborhoods for generations. This type of "innocent question" is the type that is best expressed between five year olds playing with each others hair. If you reach adulthood with no knowledge of black women that is your own fucking fault and that of your racist parents.

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  24. "In other words, stop putting the burden on us; if white guys really want us this badly, they're going to have to pursue, defend, respect, and understand us - end of story."

    THIS. How many of these "AWESOME ELIGIBLE!" non-black men are actually approaching black women? These articles always have the "woe-is-me" women (seriously where do they find these women? I know more women open to IR dating then those that aren't), but they never ask them how many non-black men roll up on them for more than just black puntang. Why don't we ever hear from men and why they don't have enough balls to talk to us? Let's hear the other side of the story for a change!

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  25. @Modest Goddess...I feel like I read or hear about more and more examples of what you described. Lots of racist white men manage to marry black women and I don't know how people overlook it when they have husbands who do that, or describe them as being "respectable", "educated", "classy." You know, not like the rest who are loud, uncouth, illiterate, and ugly. Were you talking about the article that discussed the woman who told a lady that she could not in fact touch her hair, but CNN edited the story to make her sound like an angry, mean, nasty black woman ("No wonder no one wants to date/marry them.)? If so, I skipped the story b/c those comments are alway full of people's unedited racist rants. It makes my stomach churn.

    @M.Gibson...yeah, I had a typo in my previous comment . I'm well aware of how long white men have been sexing black women in particular. But everyone wants to act like only a handful of "ugly" African slaves were ever touched by white men, which is why the racial mixture of Black Americans is only acknowledged when you have one black and one non-black parent. But they have been procreated with black women much longer than the women that they currently like to chase and marry in the open in fact. They have been having sex with black women for hundreds of years in at least three continents. Yet the media loves to report how undesirable we are. Why is it? I mean, considering the fear that WM have about BM's supposed sexual prowess, why do BW get thrown down the well in the media? No one wants to marry us. We are only pretty when we look "non-black." Blah, blah, blah. Is there some secret fear that the beauty of black women will somehow encroach on the space reserved for white women? I think people ALWAYS want to reduce these interactions to rare cases of rape (as opposed to love affairs, which was invariably the case sometimes).

    Why are we ignored in the media in every other possible way, but when it's time to write about how "pathetic" we are, we'll get the front page.

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  26. @ ShaSha LaPerf - I, too, have been wondering where they're finding these 'O Wow IS Me' women for these articles. Lord knows I can't think of any of my peers who'd fall under Thirsty and Desperate.

    I doubt we'll ever see articles where they ask the non-black men why they don't flock us in droves, though, at least not in the mainstream publications. That would take work.

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  27. @Nichthomi yes it is in reference to that CNN slander/racist editing but the comment was actually left on the original blogger's site, LosAngelista. I know better than to read CNN comments.

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  28. I wouldn't be surprised if these desperate black women providing quotes for these articles either don't' exist or are being quoted out of context.

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  29. I don't know if you guys read Microagressions but it is pretty much a recurring theme in their anonymous submissions for WOC to complain about the racist things their white male partners have said and how uncomfortable it made them.

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  30. Why are we ignored in the media in every other possible way, but when it's time to write about how "pathetic" we are, we'll get the front page.

    It's the equivalent of police harassment and incarceration of our male counterparts. Control the male element by putting him behind bars, and control the female by making her feel as though she's subhuman.

    Personally, I've decided to be flattered by all the negative attention. It just means we are a serious threat, as in we're the dangerous ones. I can just see all these nail-biters in HollyWTF going, "Aw, shit...this is not a drill."

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  31. I wouldn't be surprised if these desperate black women providing quotes for these articles either don't' exist or are being quoted out of context.

    They don't exist.

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  32. LOL, ten bucks says a lot of those "women" are actually open to IR dating are not necessarily gunning for white guys. People seem to forget that IR CAN happen without white people being involved.

    And what also gets me is the number of women who defend these articles and this type of thinking. I've seen it a lot on those so-called "black women empowerment" blogs. It's NOT empowering to be told over and over it's YOUR fault, and YOU need to change so men will flock to you. If a relationship is supposed to be about compromise then what are WE getting in the deal?

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  33. "People seem to forget that IR CAN happen without white people being involved."

    *passes the collection plate*

    "I've seen it a lot on those so-called "black women empowerment" blogs. It's NOT empowering to be told over and over it's YOUR fault, and YOU need to change so men will flock to you. If a relationship is supposed to be about compromise then what are WE getting in the deal?"

    *spirit dance*

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  34. And that should have been 'Woe Is Me'. If the women (if they exist) were 'Wow Is Me', we wouldn't have these articles. :)

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  35. All of this is quite simple. These type of articles are all about framing black women as sad, pathetic and desperate, under the guise of whites actually caring about our well being; so that whites can keep the status quo and eliminate the threat that black women actually are due to us actually being high achieving, well educated and undeniably beautiful women. If we actually were the ugliest and it was an undeniable fact, then they wouldn't have to keep reminding us and the world of our ugliness all the damn time. I mean the world is round and we don't have to be reminded, because its a fact and everybody knows it. Its the same thing with portrayals of black women as loud, fat, ignoriant and" ghetto". If we are ALL like that then why keep pushing that image. If they stop writing articles like this and pushing negative images, then people will forget they are suppose to hate us, and we might actually gain power. So all of this crap is just going to keep coming so long as black women continue to succeed and look beautiful and gain attention for both like michelle obama.

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  36. I can just see all these nail-biters in HollyWTF going, "Aw, shit...this is not a drill."

    ROTFLMAO!!! I'm quoting you!!!

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  37. If we actually were the ugliest and it was an undeniable fact, then they wouldn't have to keep reminding us and the world of our ugliness all the damn time. I mean the world is round and we don't have to be reminded, because its a fact and everybody knows it. Its the same thing with portrayals of black women as loud, fat, ignorant and" ghetto". If we are ALL like that then why keep pushing that image. If they stop writing articles like this and pushing negative images, then people will forget they are suppose to hate us

    I couldn't have said it better myself.

    Ironically, pushing these negative images of black women conflicts with the BW/WM push itself. This is just another Kanazawa situation; this is a white platform pushing a white agenda. And when white folks push this agenda, it ultimately pushes us further away from them, as it makes them incredibly unattractive.

    It's like they want to be with us, but still control us and how we feel about ourselves. No wonder it never works.

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  38. Nicthommi said...
    It seems like while she gets left out of editorials about young hot stars, Hollywood pretends that Zoe Saldana's ethnicity makes her less black.

    Well if she's not quite black in white eyes it’s much easier to paint her with an exotic brush. This makes it easier for the white male audience to drink her physical attributes in without having to ponder the race question. Leave it to white people to redefine our ethnicity for their own selfish gain. In the case where a black woman’s ethnicity can be blurred; damn-near-white is the selling point. Hence it’s not much of a stretch for the director to cast her in the same mold as most white actresses. For many whites this makes her appeal the rare exception and she’ll be lauded for it. A warped sense of reasoning suggests they’re not lusting after a black woman necessarily, but rather- they’re lusting after a woman who could have some white in her. And that’s what makes her attractive.

    Ankhesen Mié said...
    Ironically, pushing these negative images of black women conflicts with the BW/WM push itself. This is just another Kanazawa situation; this is a white platform pushing a white agenda. And when white folks push this agenda, it ultimately pushes us further away from them, as it makes them incredibly unattractive. It's like they want to be with us, but still control us and how we feel about ourselves. No wonder it never works.

    During slavery black women were treated as sub-human yes, but having absolute power over her person-hood made for a strong aphrodisiac. The white man could have his way, with she being powerless to stop him. White males will deny the black woman’s allure openly but surreptitiously yearn for her nubile skin. It takes a white man who’s secure in his manhood to boldly go where few white men have gone before; by acknowledging her distinct humanity as he would his own. Should he hesitate one millisecond over concerns of what other whites might think of him then his apprehension becomes a matter of race- and not love. In that instance he’s best to be avoided like the plague.

    Race-loyalty is the tie that binds. It’s about a lifetime of conditioning under white hegemony that impels a white person to come to the defense of another. To instantaneously identify and assign value towards one another. To be drawn towards the singular commonality that is white skin; while instinctively devaluing that which is unfamiliar. It seems beyond their capability to do this for the black woman as they would for her white counterpart. “I mean we’re the normal ones right?” (Whites girls might ask) “Black women are called minorities for a reason aren’t they?” (They muse)

    These attitudes permeate our social construct. Therefore, control the narrative and you control the black-white dichotomy.

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  39. Neo,

    I second that motion on both comments.

    Ankh,

    Let me see here..We're considered to be the most unattractive women on earth, loud, obnoxious, rude..oh yeah, something is definitely wrong with this story.Don't get me wrong, I'm also not anti-IR of any kind,but why now? Like I've once mentioned, the world was AGAINST us more than the other way around.Some of cannot accept Black women for who they are. They don't have to utter one word to you or learn about you.Just the idea of being Black is enough for them to disregard you.

    Another thing that bugs me is with this article is that they make it seem that Black women were born with problems. It should be the other way around. It's often said that black people have a supposed " chip on their shoulder". When you think about it, we're not really the ones with that problem.Anybody who cannot see you through you because of the your race are the ones with this problem. Black people got terrorized because we didn't fit into the White "norm" of things.If Black people are like this , you can definitely get why.

    White society had problems with us from day one.The slavemasters didn't respect African culture and/or their descendants, telling other people that being from another race/culture is bad and passing it for many generations,along with downgrading our character and looks. It was them,not us who said that there was something wrong with us being Black.As of today, we're reminded of the same thing..the malicious stereotypes. They didn't want to know the real us and we were and still is spat on for it.


    Another thing that I don't like about the article is that it make it seems that Black women are on sale.it's like they are saying that we cannot draw men. One of the reasons why I try to overlook articles like this is because it's another way of trying to hypnotize us into believing the worst in ourselves. I don't let the stats dictate my life, I let reality do that and from what I've seen from it, I've never had a problem with attracting/dating quality Black men and other races of men. I'm single and it's no big deal to me. Just because I'm Black and unattached doesn't mean that I'm miserable and unwanted. I bet they'll never will consider putting facts like that in there.

    Most Black women I know are looking into substance. Yes, we're criticized for our looks and our way positive ways of thinking but what is wrong with having those features? I cannot understand why wanting to be realistic, happy and being unconditionally loved turns into being "masculine".It seems that were the only race of women who people want dismantle and put together in their own image. I don't know about other Black women,but I'm just plain tired of people telling me there is something wrong with being a Black woman.

    We are all made uniquely and beautifully.I don't want to look like/be like everybody else, I want to be me. I find it so ridiculous how we're lumped over into one category no matter what. White society will say that Black women are so much alike that they will say that Zoe Saldana look like Flav-o-flav, that civil Black women who want to be honest appears as corrupt as Suge Knight and it doesn't matter if a black woman is living in an upper middle/rich neighborhood,working as a neurosurgeon, to people, she will always be the uneducated ghetto girl with no life. No matter what good are in Black women,those qualities are unimaginable to some and unfortunately, they would rather keep it that way.

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  40. @ M

    You broke it down. I can't add a damn thing.

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  41. Once again Ankh, you've broken it down. I honestly think that this is a small part of a greater plan. Not to shift the focus away from black women, because this IS important, I do believe that this is another attempt by whites to take down black men. I forgot which white man said it, but...

    "In warfare, one of the most historically effective ways to take an enemy down, is to turn their own women against them."

    This has been attempted numerous times on other groups by, white men. Look at how white men eagerly swoop down to "rescue" Asian, Hindu, and Arab women from their "evil", mustache-twisting, male counterparts. Which is always followed up by dishonestly conflating these negative cultural aspects with something that is natural and hereditary within their men.

    It's nothing more than "Disingenuous White (no pun intended) Knighting." This article is just another example of that, because it's seemingly impossible for white men (who have demonized black female beauty for centuries) to suddenly come to their senses as a group, and see the light. Especially when you account for all the things they actively ignore because their lives are more comfortable by doing so. Their motivation behind this sudden "truth" telling is clearly political, and everyone can see it because ignorant white men, (scratch that) ignorant white PEOPLE are not as clever as they wish they were.

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  42. I almost forgot to do this, but I wanted to say, "why so few black women marry white men" was the best response I've ever read to every white-dick-can-fix-this article that gets put out every year or so.

    Unfortunately,

    "more articles need to focus on lecturing white men on what they need to do better where BW/WM is concerned."

    would mean articles on how to cut out previously good friends from your life. It would mean how to confront family members and your boss. It would be articles on how to mentally block out stares and how to save a picnic from a group of shitty teenagers. Like you said earlier, it would mean white dudes having to deal with shit they've never experienced before....and it would never get published in the WSJ. Also from a WSJ article:

    "In 2001, according to the U.S. Census, 43.3 percent of black men and 41.9 percent of black women in America had never been married."

    That's a whopping difference of 1.4% I'm still waiting on the article that proclaims the best way to solve the Black Male Marriage Problem is to marry more white women. I feel like I might wait a while.

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  43. "In 2001, according to the U.S. Census, 43.3 percent of black men and 41.9 percent of black women in America had never been married."

    I'm always amused that the US Census will say 41.9% of black women have never been married, but that statistic somehow constantly escapes these white-dick-can-fix-this article writers (loving that, by the way). Somehow - and I'd really love to know how - 41.9% magically becomes anywhere 70-90%.

    That's a whopping difference of 1.4% I'm still waiting on the article that proclaims the best way to solve the Black Male Marriage Problem is to marry more white women. I feel like I might wait a while.

    Indeed we all shall be waiting for quite while. However, keep in mind...when men aren't getting married, that's not really a "problem". It's only a problem for women, and it's always our fault.

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  44. A few more things:

    The author mentions incarceration as a contributing factor to the issue. So of course, the author says one way to "fix Black Marriage" would be to call for the end of the War on Drugs, and to fix our broken criminal justice system, right?

    No? Black women are too picky and need white dick? Ok....

    Let me also say there is a difference (or at least I tell myself) between dudes with a Black fetish and dudes that have a preference for Black women. I had a coworker that went out of his way to tell me his girlfriend was black (after our second meeting.) He also told me he was like a United Nations in that he has fucked girls of different ethnicities (all US though, so analogy fail.) Dude was a creep, so the words:

    "By all means, be vigilant, but go for it."

    Ring true. People with lists do exist, hoping you'll be that special check in his checkbox.

    In the last thread about this, there was some comment from 'Matt' that said:

    "Anyway, Im still looking for a decent Black lady with good hearth for marriage."

    And I kind of got the impression English wasn't his first language, but still, there was something in his post that just raised red flags. So yea, be vigilant, and just hope he slips up on the first, not fifth date.

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  45. Ankhesen Mié said...
    It's a full-time job. The thing is, they don't want to learn about us, because they'll have to learn about our history and sociology, and thus learn a lot of negative things about themselves.

    A young arrogant white male (and most seem that way in my experience) figures a black woman has nothing to teach him about interracial politics. That is until he realizes he’s in over his head. Even then he's not going to defer to her wisdom/experience. In his conceit, she’s the one with the problem- not him. Always bringing race into the conversation (the standard whine) in a masterful derail to assuage his shortcomings.

    White men pride themselves on being able to conquer anything. They’ll scale the highest peak- flout the raging seas; delve the darkest- most remote locales to satiate their need for adventure. They’ll brave the harshest condition and then vainly chronicle how the experience changed their lives. They’ll commune with grizzlies… sojourn with lions; swim with man-eating sharks for excitement. They’ll jump off bridges and in one particular feat of audacity-- spilt their infinitives, just for the rush. However, these same manikins cannot muster the acumen to realize a healthy stable relationship with a black woman. Such men waver under the judicious gaze of white women. Neither are they much better at suffering the judgment of fellow euro-caucasianists. (I like the term)

    Should he fail at his attempt to scale the mountain he doesn’t blame the mountain for being too high or the climate for being too harsh. No, he’ll need to search within himself to find the cause. “I was unable to stick it out and suck it up,” he might reason. Let him falter at any of these endeavors and he accepts full responsibility without reservation. However, should he default in a relationship with a black woman... Its all her fault!. "She was too strong- or too loud; she wouldn’t submit… she has way too many issues." He won’t take one iota of responsibility for the disintegration of the relationship, (or his cowardice) seeing as he’s the more rational of the two and certainly the most open-minded (he believes). He’ll retreat to the comforting arms of an ever faithful white standby. Framing the failed relationship as a no-win situation, in which he tried to help her grow beyond her negative programming, but to no avail.

    M said...
    I find it so ridiculous how we're lumped over into one category no matter what. White society will say that Black women are so much alike that they will say that Zoe Saldana look like Flav-o-flav, that civil Black women who want to be honest appears as corrupt as Suge Knight and it doesn't matter if a black woman is living in an upper middle/rich neighborhood, working as a neurosurgeon, to people, she will always be the uneducated ghetto girl with no life.

    Very well stated.
    As far as what white people think about black women being a monolith. They don’t need to vet each and every black woman (both here and abroad) to form consensus about them. Just one or two will do. That’s the power of white privilege and perception. You don’t need to get it right; you just need to put your version of the narrative out there- over… and over again. Like-minded whites will simply fall in line with the new programming; ergo- all black women can be exemplified in these black women. Our mothers, my wife- our sisters… all. Furthermore, you won’t be able to convince them otherwise; no matter how many positive examples of black womanhood you parade before them. In their hubris they now believe they know more about black women than you do.

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  46. @ M. Gibson

    Once again... *bows*

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  47. Here's an article shattering the myths of these "Black women need to marry out because of their bleak situation!" crap...

    http://www.empowernewsmag.com/listings.php?article=2051#.TkGRdHr50Zp.email

    Just proves that the ignorant white media is STILL telling only half the story to try and push it's anti-black agenda.

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  48. Unrelated to the post, but I'm loving the new layout, Ankh. :)

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  49. Unrelated to the post, but I'm loving the new layout, Ankh. :)

    *blushes* It took me a while.

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  50. @ Ankhesen Mié,

    thank you so much for this refreshing and sobering article. Whatever issues you have with Black men (I'm not aware you have any) they sure-as-hell wont lead you to the feet of our racial foes.

    God bless you.

    Menelik Charles
    London UK

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  51. From moionfire, a commenter on Racialicious

    I see many angles in the obsession with these articles about single black women

    1. It gives people an opportunity to once again claim black men are dead beats, uneducated, and undesirable romantic partners.
    2. It gets to act as if black women and black people in general are dysfunctional
    3. All of these articles conclude that more black women need to date out. Interestingly when they say "date out" they rarely mean East Asians, Hispanics, South Asians, Arabs, or native americans.They mean WHITE men. This leads me to conclude that the authors simply want to present white men as a FOIL to black men as romantic partners.
    4. It creates dating as a "marriage market" That is black women "get back" at black men for either being undesirable or dating "white women." The fact that over 80% of black married men have BLACK wives falls on deaf ears. It trivializes dating/romance in which people don't go for who they like but who they can
    5. It ignores physical preferences. In the same way people often talk how black women are considered physically unattractive by many people, it ignores that white men and other non-black men might be considered physically unattractive to black women. Black womens sexual desires and preferences are completely ignored.
    6. It ignores cultural reasons for dating preferences. Music, food, family, values influence peoples dating preferences. What white and other non-black men like and do might conflict with black womens goals and values.
    7. It ignores that marriage is decreasing among all groups and many women are entering the "never been married" category. It also ignores that black men also have a very low marriage rate. So the "marriage squeeze" has more to do with the fact that both genders in the black community aren't getting married
    8. It ignores the real reasons for low desire of marriage. People from income stable and job stable situations will be more likely to marry.

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