Contemplating "The Rule of Being Nice"

Mm-hm.

Bar patrons, I was thinking...have you ever noticed the rule of "Being Nice"?  For example, we've noticed that white people often reference the POC they know or admire whenever they hear something they don't like from POC.  You know..."My Black/Asian/Hispanic friends don't mind when I say [insert the usual here]" or "Well, Katt Williams/Chris Rock/Jay-Z/Herman Cain agree that [insert the other usual here]".

Good...we're up to speed.

POC I'm Watching: The WoC on "Xena"

So I'm on a Xena kick right now, and I'm rewatching my favorite eps.  It's strange to go back and watch the show yet again; I always seem to notice something new, even now.

This time, I decided to focus on the women of color featured in Xena.  To be fair, this show tried to maintain "diversity" on the show; it was filmed in New Zealand, so beautiful Maori women were in it all the time.  But the WoC who were featured as guest stars were few and far between, and severely lacking in some ways.  They were either very boring villains, or fabulous-looking villains whose screen time was too brief, OR they were basically Magical Negresses telling Xena she had a "great" destiny, was a "great" woman, capable of doing "great" things.  And either way, they often died after 1-2 episodes, or were conveniently already dead and introduced through flashbacks.

News flash: getting POC to constantly rescue, flatter, and mentor white protagonists isn't just a very patronizing way to write, but also seriously creepy.

The Other R-Word

I'm actually a fan of KT Tatara; my fangirling threatened to get unhealthy at one point. This, however, is not one of his best bits.

I think men treat the words "rape" and "rapist" the way white people treat the word "racist".  When accused in all seriousness, they act like it's worse than the fact they were just trying to force themselves on someone.  Other times, the words induce an eye roll.  And when stories and stats are brought up, they often rush to bring up the false accusations of rape (or they bring up women raping men), rather than facing up to a social problem so old it actually frequents the pages of human mythology.

Ladies in attendance here at the bar, raise your hands if a man has ever gotten a bit too forceful with you.  He may not have completed the act, but he sure as hell tried.

*raises hand*

Questions

(Thanks, Crystal Savage!)

Historically speaking, marriage has been defined to mean what people need it to mean – from a way to secure economic security and partnership to a public declaration of love. In times of slavery, black women did want to be married – but the main focus was on creating a stable family unit, official or otherwise. More contemporary battles over marriage revolve around the changing needs of citizens, particularly those in same-sex relationships, or those with non-traditional families. And who said marriage is still the ultimate end goal? As Samhita Mukopadhyay, author of Outdated: Why Dating is Ruining Your Love Life, told me: "All of this conjecture about the failure rates of marriage is based on the assumption that all black women want to get married. There is so much talk about how it is impacting their lives but no one puts anything into studying what they actually want/need/feel." Not surprisingly, black women are lectured to about their love lives, not engaged in conversation.

~ Latoya Peterson, "Don't Lecture Black Women About Marriage"

Why is so important to America that Black American women get married?

Mourning Gaddafi

From the New York Times:

While Libya’s former rebels and many Western nations welcomed the end of the country’s long and brutal dictatorship, many sub-Saharan Africans are mourning the death of Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi, celebrated as much for his largesse as for his willingness to stand up to the West.

To them, his violent death was another sad chapter in a long-running narrative of Western powers meddling in Africa’s affairs.

“We are the 1 percent who are not celebrating,” said Salim Abdul, who helps run a major mosque in Uganda’s capital named for the former Libyan leader, who provided the money to build it.

“He loved Uganda,” said Mr. Abdul in an interview at the mosque, in Kampala. He noted that Colonel Qaddafi had committed to paying the salaries for the staff of 20 for the next 20 years. “His death means everything comes to an end,” Mr. Abdul said.

On Friday, approximately 30,000 people packed the mosque to pay tribute to the slain leader, according to local news media in Uganda.

The Daily Monitor, a prominent independent Ugandan newspaper, reported that Sheikh Amir Mutyaba, a former ambassador to Libya, wept as he told followers that Colonel Qaddafi had “died as a hero.” He added that while “Allah will bless him,” foreign “oil diggers will be punished,” likely alluding to a perception among some that the West intervened in Libya mainly because of its oil riches.

In Nigeria, Africa’s most populous country and about half Muslim, a senator told local news media that Colonel Qaddafi “was one of the finest African leaders we have.” And a former Nigerian militia leader, who said he was once financed by Colonel Qaddafi, told Agence France-Presse that the former Libyan leader’s death would be “avenged.”

Les Nouveaux Pauvres

I had a coworker here in Houston who "found" himself in a sitch where he had no home, no car, and because the money he made sucked (courtesy of missing a lot of hours because he had no ride), he basically had no money.  He was sleeping on his aunt's couch, and she made it clear that that particular privilege didn't come cheap.  And yet...my ex-coworker refused to look for employment closer to where he lived.  He wanted the boss to sell him the company truck, and suggested the boss deduct a percentage from his paychecks.  When that obviously wasn't going to happen, he wanted to give me gas money in exchange for chauffeuring him everywhere or letting him borrow my car.  He said I would be "helping" him.  When I asked why he didn't just ride the bus, he replied that he didn't like how long it took and didn't feel like getting up an extra hour early to catch it.

Yes.

POC I'm Watching: Bianca Lawson

***Spoilers***

Because David Solomon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) is a co-executive producer on Nikita, I wasn't surprised to see a Buffy alumna pop up on the show...looking no older than she did back in 1997.

*nods* Holla if you love being Negro.

So once again we have the beautiful woman of color enter the scene.  This one, however, is not an assassin or soldier of any kind.  She's a civilian and a sensitive artist.

This gentle, sweet, WoC is also into white guys (go figure) but at least in her case, her white guy likes her back.  So much that he risks his own life (but he risks hers as well, so that kinda buys him nothing).

POC I'm Watching: Tiffany Hines

***Spoilers***

So on a whim I entered Club Nikita, and I have to admit now that I am a fan.

Basically, to me, it's the new Xena.  We've got the strong female lead with a dark past, and her equivalent of Gabrielle.  But naturally, what stuck out to Moi were all the beautiful women of color who kept popping up on the show.

Like Tiffany Hines as "Jaden" (really hate that name by the way).  Don't be fooled by the constant use of her name in the opening credits; she's missing from quite a few episodes (first fail).  Secondly, she's the irrationally angry black woman (second fail).  Third, she's into the white guy who's into the white girl who's not into the white guy (third fail).  Lastly, the white girl falls for a different white guy who ends up shooting Jaden when the white girl seriously fucks up.

Next-level fail.

Barry Blasst (Updated)

From Barry Blasst:

The POC of Merlin

***Spoilers***

Haters can go on ahead and hate; Merlin is back for a fourth season, before those eps even aired, it was renewed for a fifth season.  Check...mate.

Of course, the opening two-parter of Season 4 shows the death of Lancelot, which sickens me to no end.  Gorgeous, underappreciated, Chilean actor Santiago Cabrera was totally used and tossed aside by this series (some of you recognize him from Heroes, where he portrayed Isaac Mendez).  Someone else should've died for Arthur and Merlin; I nominate one of those other goofy-looking knights whom we don't care about.  I understand that the writers don't want that pesky love triangle screwing things up in the future, but come on... there had to be another way to get him out of the picture, or at least neutralize the Gwen/Lancelot romance.

It's called creativity, people.  It's what you're paid for.

The Nigeria Discussion Continued

Patrons of the bar may recognize Eccentric Yoruba from her blog, Curiosity Killed the Eccentric Yoruba, and/or from her articles on the Blasian Narrative, where she specializes in Sino-African history and social relations.  She was kind enough to answer a few key questions about Nigeria which may interest Black American readers, and she's in the process of co-building a website dedicated to articles, interviews, videos and pictures about daily life in Abuja, Nigeria.

Where do you live?

I live in Abuja, the FCT (Federal Capital Territory) of Nigeria.  Abuja is Nigeria's planned capital and was made the capital in the 1970s, before that Lagos was the capital of Nigeria. Lagos remains the commercial capital of Nigeria.  To be more precise, I live in the Utako District which is a quiet neighbourhood (boring to some) not too far from the city centre.

The Sugar Cycle

Recently, commenter What to Do, a white woman, stepped into the bar wondering about black women being friends with white women.  It's taken me a while to respond to her, because I had to find a way to explain to her what kind of friends white women are to women of color (regardless of which color).

First, there's the Sugar Cycle

In domestically violent relationships, the time period between beatings/verbal abuse in which the perpetrator is on their very best behavior is called "the honeymoon period."  This is when their kindness, patience, and generosity know no bounds.

It's the same thing for when white women attempt to begin friendships with WOC.  Initially, they are SUPER nice, complimenting everything and willing to pay for damn near anything.  They agree with us on everything.  They want to go anywhere we want to go, they want to do anything we want do, and they are just as sugary, syrupy sweet as can be the whole while.

But then the "friendship" actually begins, and there are distinct changes.  Before I list these changes, understand that WOC don't just put up with the changes; most often, we will stop speaking to our white "friends" and terminate all interaction.  And when we do, the sugar reemerges in force, and they are once again seemingly willing to say or do anything to get back in our good graces.  But yet again...once we allow them back in, the abuse - and it is abuse - returns.

The Bar Celebrates Indigenous People's Day

Columbus makes Hitler look like a juvenile delinquent.

~ Russell Means, Native activist

So the Lil Sis was talking to my Eldest Niece about a homework assignment. Apparently the good teachers of a certain elementary school in San Antonio are telling their students that when the Europeans first came to the Americas, there were only "tens of thousands" of Native Americans living here, and that the country was mostly empty to begin with.

Good ole Texan education strikes again.

Yes...Yes They Do

Arguing that black people don’t have a monopoly on the term nigger is just fucking disgusting. You want it that bad? Really?

~ Latoya Peterson, Slutwalk, Slurs, and Why Feminism Still Has Race Issues

Why, yes...yes they do.  Exactly what part of "white folks love the word 'nigger', are obsessed with it, will use any excuse to say it, orgasm whenever they do, and have absolutely no intention of letting it go" are people not getting?

I haven't bothered to cover or discuss the Slutwalk precisely because I knew that sooner or later, some shit like this was about to go down.  Pygmy knows, I'm no fan of white feminists, and I don't feel one iota of solidarity with them.  Because like most POC, I have The Clock.  You know..."the Clock"?  The one that starts ticking whenever white folks enter the scene and counts down to that inevitable moment of racial fucked-uppery?

I don't want to see "Awkward Black Girl" on TV

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't want TV to go anywhere near this show.  I don't even care if it's HBO.  If TPTB get their hands on ABG, they will fucking ruin it.

WTF is Wrong with Dads at Baseball Games?

So I was trying to share this vid with the family (thanks, Disgrasian!!!)...

...but while searching for it in YouTube, the lil sis came across this video instead.

Um...explanation. please?

Looks Like There's Hope for #teamwhitejay

I'm glad to know J didn't do anything stupid at Fred's apartment. However, I think that Fred's blatant "moving in" is getting a little embarrassing now.

What are your thoughts, bar patrons?

Menfolk, Let Go of the "Rules"

So I'm a fan of James Hannah, but I'm a realist. As hilarious as he is talking about jungle fever gone wrong or inappropriate behavior for men over forty, there are some things I feel he doesn't quite understand about modern women.

Let's get the pink elephant out of the way really quickly. These "rules", stereotypes, and justifications about men cheating and being promiscuous all serve the same purpose: to benefit men and control women. And the reason they've benefited men for so long, as Hannah unwittingly points out, is marriage. Thirsty women who chase the ring are at the mercy of men and their "rules" because men are playing off their down-on-bended-knee fantasies which all involve a wedding they've imagined since childhood.  And in James Hannah's generation, such women were plentiful because times were different.

My Hero...Vincent

From CNN:

Hero Vincent has a dream: to see the titans of Wall Street trade their palatial office suites for a row of dank prison cells.

The crime? Theft. Stealing billion-dollar, taxpayer-funded bailouts. Getting rich on your dime while you struggle to make ends meet.

And if you're tired of standing by while the rich get richer and the middle class crumbles, he has a suggestion: Take it to the streets.

My New Husband

He actually made it o Jon Stewart.

Where have I heard this before?

First, the article:

Republican presidential candidates were mostly quiet today after a tongue lashing from President Obama about their failure to stick up for soldier booed at a GOP debate because he was gay.

..."You want to be commander-in-chief? You can start by standing up for the men and women who wear the uniform of the United States, even when it's not politically convenient," the president told the crowd in reference to a recent Republican debate.

At the debate last month, an openly gay Army soldier asked on videotape, "Do you intend to circumvent the progress that has been made for gay and lesbian soldiers in the military?"

From the audience came a couple boos, but none of the candidate said anything about them.

"I happen to think that maybe they were booing the whole 'don't ask, don't tell' repeal more so than booing that soldier," Cain told ABC's Christiane Amanpour on "This Week."
Cain was referring to the policy that has been lifted allowing gay members of the military to serve openly.

But the president, in full campaign mode, went after every Republican candidate.

"We don't believe in a small America. We don't believe in the kind of smallness that says it's OK for a stage full of political leaders -- one of whom could end up being the president of the United States -- being silent when an American soldier is booed," he told the audience Saturday night.

Right after the debate, some Republicans said they didn't hear the boos, others said they weren't given time to respond.

Black People Worldwide, We Need to Talk

Let me preface this by stating this is just my humble opinion.

Recent discussions, both here and via email, have got me thinking about a few things.

For one, when Obama told the CBC to "stop complaining", I felt he was in the wrong because like all people of color in America, Black people have valid reasons to be upset; they stem from institutionalized white supremacy, and that's not some empty, random, whiny "complaint".  When it comes to the concerns raised by Black Americans and presented in political circles, a black President needs to have both understanding and respect.  I stand by my initial opinion.

However, I think Black people worldwide have some post-slavery, post-colonial conditioning which we all seriously need to work through.  We complain or show disdain for one another, and that has to stop.

At the Bar with Amaya Radjani

Amaya Radjani is a blogger, author, co-moderator of the Blasian Narrative, and the Creative Director of Middle Child Press.  Her debut Blasian novel Corruption is due out this fall.

All right, Miss Radjani. You are a well-known patron here at the bar. You and I go back a little bit, so I know lots about you. But there are those in attendance who are unfamiliar. Tell the strangers a little something.

What I am first and foremost is an author. Storytelling is my life. Everything else I’m doing right now is just details. Writing has always been in me; it’s like breathing. I don’t recall a time when I wasn’t scribbling stories once I learned to hold a pencil. Although I expect to make a living writing novels, it is something I will do for free because I have to. I can’t imagine my life without this gift, and I do recognize it as such. I’ve tried to cultivate it as best as I can.